Unwanted puppy had a happy ending - Maryanne

The puppy & Maryanne

When I decided to go get a new dog I was deeply saddened over the loss of my Ritta and the sudden loss of Martini. The depression would have overtaken me, but my God Most High helped me move forward. God who pulled me through, like always. 

We searched and searched, weekend after weekend and I saw not one dog that would fill the void left by my Ritta and Martini. I cried every time I looked at a dog, my Jack Jack was even looking a little depressed of the loss of his sisters. He was acting a little different. I was acting a little different. I prayed and kept searching. I cried every time I looked at a dog, I wanted to take them all and I didn't want them at all, my heart was broken and nothing was filling it (I cried and prayed). 

I saw this dog all curled up and I tried to play with her (no luck), so frail and scared looking. She looked frozen with fear. Then I held her, not knowing at the time the rescue probably drugged her. She looked terrified and I knew she needed to feel safe and feel loved. So we held her for hours. The shelter guy even offered us to take her just for a couple days to see if we liked her. He was telling us her story, my sadness got deeper and deeper. Listening to Maryanne's story, no wonder she was so sad.

The puppy & Maryanne

He told us she was rescued in Putnam County Florida, from a hoarding backyard breeder situation. I forgot the number (maybe 200 or 300 animals and a single wide mobile home). I can't imagine so many animals in it's a little trailer with no room to walk, always created. My heart hurt. But if that wasn't bad enough, she was adopted by an elderly couple and because she was so scared she wouldn't play (they took her back to the rescue), my heart shattered.

My husband said we could take her home for the weekend and I told him, "You know if we take her home, even if we hate her we're not returning her!" As we drove home her it seemed that the drugs started wearing off she started whining and whining and whining in terror. 

When we got home We noticed that she was scared to be in the backyard, on the concrete, in the front yard on the grass, scared of the tile and scared of the carpet. She was scared of absolutely everything. When she pees she squats really low to the ground, someone told me that's because she was created her whole life. Not sure if that's true or not. I feel like they never took this dog out of the crate based on her behavior. They just bred her and created her. 

Jack Jack LOVED her and was always cleaning and snuggling with her. Approximately a year after we got her, she finally let us give her cookies. Before that, we had to toss them on the ground in front of her and we had to walk away from her food so she would eat. She bonded with my husband and I first, because we were the ones who cared for her the most. The funny thing is she continually barked and barked at everyone else in the household, like they were strangers and she hadn't been looking at them for the past 2 and a 1/2 to 3 years.

On Halloween day 2021 we had a incident and my other dog Jack Jack, he had to be put down. And she was her normal terrified self just like on day one. We gave her so much extra love but again my heart was broke. 

My husband didn't want another middle aged or old dog because if the incident, if I had to get another dog it had to be a puppy. And of course my heart would not allow me not have another dog, Dogs seem to mend my broken heart. God led us to this cute little puppy in Georgia. 

This is where Marianne's story gets exciting, this puppy was 3 months old and was so annoying I was just beating myself up and my husband for getting a puppy, not really. I wanna say when the puppy was 6 months old Maryanne started really taking a shine to her, but the puppy didn't act like her Big Brother. It took a little bit of time, then they began bonding. Now mind you this puppy was about the same size if not a little bigger than Maryanne when we got her and now she triples the size of Maryanne. 

One day we were outside all the dogs dogs and I noticed Maryanne was playing tag with the puppy. Then I began to pay attention she played tag with the puppy and wrestling with the puppy a lot. Maryanne has been with us almost 3 years now and she has lost 3 of her packmates.  Having been been through  so much trauma. She has come a long the way, I finally got to witness her blossom and become a real dog. This puppy now 11 months old brought Maryanne her out of her shell. 

God-bless me with this amazing gift, I got to witness Maryanne become a real dog. I LOVE to watch them play every day and I just can't get enough of it. As annoying as my little puppy is now 11 months old, she was the best thing for my little Maryanne. God has blessed us in so many ways and right now that is the number one thing. 

Leave it to a little unwanted dog rescued from backyard breeders and who deserves a chance to be happy and make others happy along the way. Earlier I wrote even if I hated her we would keep her until the end, but you can't hate a dog they are full of so much love that it will over flow to those around them. They just need time and given that 2nd chance or 3rd chance they just need time need time to come out of their shells. 

Almost 3 years and she's a real dog and she stopped being barking at the other people in our house and finally she allows them to pet her (I believe that the puppy help with that too). And now she realizes as a result she gets so much more love, cuddles, pets and belly rubs. We had to give her time and the (in my opinion) puppy opened the door to become a happy and real dog for for her a little bit faster. It's amazing to watch and I'm so thankful to God for allowing me this opportunity to grant these dogs theirs 2nd and 3rd chances. 

God's work is also being kind to his creations, his animals. The moral of this story is don't just get a dog because you wanna pet, they are a life long family member that you need to be committed too. Don't just get a dog because you want to say you have a 100% pure bred whatever type of animal. That's not fair to all the ones out there that need to be rescued, who need homes and love. 

Make sure you give your rescue all the time they need to come around then trust you. Some will trust you easier than others. I had my one dog and took her almost 10 years before she even gave us a kiss. They're all different but they all need time to overcome whatever their problem was. Love and time, it's all that we can do for these animals that we choose to put in our lives. Don't just get a dog, get a friend. I realize they are also meant for protection, that's what mine are. But I still love them like my little furry babies. Like they'd protect me, I will protect them.

I have a pack of 100% pure bred rescue dogs. They have been the best  and the worst (3 bites and 2 emergency room visits),  but I will still take care of them and love them until the end of their days.

  

 

Maryanne & Jack Jack

 

  

  

Jack Jack & Maryanne

 

Mixed Emotions Calmed

God gives me peace.

At times, I want to act— when all I see are lies around me, liars hiding the truth, stealing, deceiving.

Anger rises inside me: Is this what God wants?

I hear silence.

I pray, and pray, every day, "Let me hear Your voice, God Most High."

But I will not let them steal space and time in my mind. I will not let them cause my spirit to wither.

The overwhelming peace from the God Most High is better than letting the liars live in my heart.

You cannot steal what God has given me: Peace beyond all understanding.

I pray for you, that you may be healed, that the lies may cease, and the theft may end.

I will move forward, not look back. I will not be stuck, turned to stone, or bound by anger.

I follow You, Most High God.

Blessed are You, Yahuah our Elohiym, King of all time, for the blessing of the Ruach Ha'Qodesh.

Doing what's right even when it's hard -

Not a typical Sunday, watching church online because I didn't want to leave the house. Halloween day was on a Sunday this year. 

Dogs were running in the backyard having a good time in-and-out of the house making a mess, everything was everything was fine. 

Then there was a noise I started to get up slowly, until I heard the 2nd noise and I got up faster and on my feet, turned around. 

My baby boy about 50 pounds almost a senior citizen, came charging (I was standing in the way of him going into his room, where his create sat) and I was in his way. He was on me, biting my knee, biting my thigh, biting my hand and arm. 

My husband came to try and help but he couldn't get him off. Now both of us on the floor sitting on him, like we were wrangling a cow. He wouldn't snap out of it. I put my free hand in the dog's mouth, pushed down with the arm that was being bit, pulled up with my right hand puncturing my own fingers to try and pride my left arm free. Pushing my left arm into his mouth further, trying to make him release without tearing my flesh. Then I was free.

I couldn't move, for fear he would try for my neck or face because we were all on the floor. 

I could see in his eyes, so clear my dog was gone. I don't know what this was that took over him. 

My husband yelled at me to go go go. I got up super fast and then he was on my husband's arm and I just turned around for a second looking for something to help my husband and he was on my husband's chest. My heart just stopped for fear he would go for his neck or face.

I ran to the room, it's about 20 steps away or less. I grab my gun that is meant for home security. Ran back to my husband leaving blood trail everywhere. 

I looked at my husband, pointed the gun at the dog and he yelled at me not to shoot our dog, but he wouldn't let go. 

As I uttered the words, I don't know what to do I removed the safety and I shot my baby boy. I had to save my husband, I had no choice - only bad and worse options. 

Through all this my thoughts were that no one else that was in the house would be hurt by my dog. I don't even remember much of what they were doing. They had to tell me, all I saw was the dog and my husband. Thank God that he only bite me and my husband. 

I would die to save the life of all the animals we care for. I would never hurt them. 

I know he suffered from PSTD and we have kept him save for almost 10 years from the public and himself. On 10.31.2021 we failed him, we weren't able to save him from himself. 

My point is that I did not shot my dog in hate or rage. I love him and I'm not mad at him. I don't blame him or anyone. I freed my baby from the demons that were tormenting him and saved his daddy. 

I miss him so much and I ask God to tell him that I love him, he is a good boy, and he is free to go and play with his two sisters and have fun. Free of this worldly pain. 

I will still rescue and be the best voice that I can for the voiceless. 

The three dogs that you see here have now all past. They were all the loves of my life and I know that now they are all three together again, playing and having fun. I miss them all and still love them. I lost the 2 girls in July of 2019. 

We must love! Even when it is hard, we must love. Even when we have to make the hard choices or decisions, we must do it out of love. Like God's pure love, like the love our dogs give us. We must love. 

 

My Ritta passed away (Martini left with her too soon after)

Update

My Ritta passed away on 07/06/2019. God gave me the time I asked for and then He took her home. She was ready, even though I was not. I knew it was her time to be free from the pain and the disease. I miss her everyday. I still cry, even right now. On 07/30/2019 my Martini gave up, I guess she needed to go with her Ritta (she was too young to die, not even 10 years old) and my heart broke into a million pieces that day. At least they are together, my babies and my loves.

 The original post about my Ritta.   God listens and if speak to Him, He will hear you. 

 God Bless Everyone

I started this Blog to share about helping DOGs & animals in general. I added some sad life stories at a time that I remembered and reflected on from 2017 to 2019 and parts of 2020. Since I restarted a life with Christ and began developing a RELATIONSHIP with Christ, I have been catapulted into a NEW LIFE and direction. 

NOW "Be a voice for the Voiceless" will focus on people and God (all life, not just animals). 

God is our voice, our inner voice, our guide to life & so much more. 

We are/will be developing a plan to engage the audience/the people. 

Be patient, it is all in God's time. 

Much love and peace be with you all. 

speaking to my Father one night

Father I've been bad

I love you my child

Father you know all I've done

I forgive you my child

Father I am sorry

Nothing you do will cause me not to love you, even in anger I love you my child

I can never thank you enough for what you have done for me for what you have given me

I am the father you are my child, when you fall I will pick you up, when you cry out I will reach out with open arms,

Father I am hurting, my heart is in pain

My child when you hurt I will comfort and ease your pain, I will protect you my child with all my LOVE

Father I love you and I'm sorry for it all, you always come when I need you, when I NEED you

I love you my child

I love you father  

I love you my child

Thank you, Praise God, I love my father, I LOVE my God AMEN

tormented most of my life

Today I felt like sharing something that has tormented most of my life; I took back control of my life from my evil mother. She allowed bad things to happen and then blamed us for what happened to us. My faith has got me to the point where I am not ashamed to talk about it, it is not my fault. God has helped me see that I can move on and be thankful for my life now. Here is the short version and the meat of it all.

***********************************************************************

Even as they lose control over the lives that they thought they owned, they lost their grips in reality. The demons inside them constantly tell them to attack us. They search for things to use against us (if they cannot find anything - they will make things up), using others and hurting them in the process too. Telling lies to gain more traction, moving against people that do not do what they want them to do. I will never allow here to control me again.

I will not be nice to her to spare her feelings, I will tell the truth no matter how painful it is to hear. My biological mother will pay, there is a special place in Hell for people that hurt the innocent. God will burn them and anyone who helped.

They play the victims, acting like they are the ones being attacked. Don't be fooled, the devil will not look like the devil when he or she is trying to win you over and get you to join his or her team.

My biological mothers name is Deborah and she is not the victim, her children are the victims. He ex boyfriend Felipe sexually abused (assaulted) the three of us. She allowed this to happen and she refuses to take responsibility for her part in it all. She is not the victim, we are. I would not allow my children to be near her (once I remembered some of what happened).

I would never recommend anyone leave their children with them. She  or her husband or both not sure, told her granddaughter to lie to her parents, thank God that the girl told her mom and dad what was going on and what they asked her to do. 

Thank God we have a chance to break the chain of abuse for our children. I only pray they don't go near anyone else's children, who knows what they might do. I pray that God puts them exactly were they belong.

She allowed the man that beat me daily for 5 years to live with her when we divorced. If anyone hurt her BIOLOGICAL kids, she was on their side.

This is why I stay away from most everyone and I dislike my mother and refuse to be around her. Pray that no one else is ever hurt mentally or physically by her or her partners.

As I have been reflecting on my life moments, I pray for them and I pray for all the victims involved in this circle of abuse and lies. God helps us all, in Jesus name I pray that the darkness is cast out and bound where God wills it to be bound. This I pray so we can all move forward toward God's grace and glory.

 Through all the tragedy and trauma has passed for years I began to notice changes in my life most recently this year big changes in my life.  God is at work in my life and I can try to explain it but sometimes there's no words it just is and I just know. I am blessed, we are blessed and I want everyone to witness and be part of these blessings.

Every Believer Must See This: Satan’s LIE Exposed // Spiritual Warfare

The Devil Inside: What a Mother Should Never Be

Thinking back to the first attack,
we didn’t know what was to be,
what was to become of me,
me, only twelve, turning thirteen.

She was possessed by the lust of a dangerous man,
with a dangerous plan—
a plan for a woman leaving her man,
a woman with three kids (almost four, left on a clinic floor).

Did the lost child belong to my dad,
or the man with the dangerous plan?
She moved us far away from our dad,
we were trapped with her, and the man with the dangerous plan.

He watched us,
he touched me—
I did not know,
I did not see.
It wasn’t only me.

He did more—can you see?
She did not believe me,
she did not believe them.
Touched and tortured,
she denied it, pretending to be a good mommy.

We all ran away from her,
left at about fourteen or fifteen,
trading one devil for another,
leaving her for the lesser of the evils in this world.

It’s confusing to me,
I don’t understand why she let these things happen,
why she let it happen to us,
why she aided in his dark, evil acts.

Through their darkness,
we stood, fighting back,
not knowing our Savior had our backs,
only able to see the dark attacks.

He helped us stand,
He helped us not fall.
Through it all, we stood up,
prepared for the next battle.

This is an internal war,
between a mother and her children,
children fighting from the start,
fighting for love, happiness, and safety
that we'd never find with her.

This long fight finally took us to God’s door,
searching for so much more.
Once we opened that door,
love and happiness flowed through us,
with a new family in tow,
and God's army waiting.

We will not lose this battle,
the battle that started at Mother’s door.
For reasons we may never know,
when God closes one door,
He opens another.
Mother's doors kept us prisoners,
prisoners in life and in our minds,
reality a false tale.

Once the Holy Spirit came calling,
Mother’s door began to fall,
with Holy Spirit whispers,
I no longer fear the dark knight.
I no longer fear the devil at her side,
I no longer fear her demon-possessed soul.

I know that God will have my back
at every single attack—
devil be gone,
with the power of my Lord and Savior,
demons leave us alone,
in the name of Jesus Christ.

Amen. Amen.

Finally at peace,
finally, we can be free.
Now free to become who we were meant to be,
who God wanted us to be.

He has my back

I have discovered through years that the closer you get to God the more the devil fights you

I have discovered through the years when you walk with the devil nothing bad's seems to happen

I have discovered through the years when you talk to God you grow 

You grow close and sometimes bad things happen

Bad things happen because the devil is fighting you the devil is fighting for you he wants to keep you on his side

When I think of being on The wrong side
I will gladly except the fight because I know my God is stronger than the devil

I know my God is stronger than those false gods

I know that my checkered past my,
the abuse as a child,
the bad things that happen in our lives when we were little,
the fact that we will never have a mother,
because she chose the wrong side, not once, not twice,
 but 3 times she chose the wrong side

Because the devil is inside

The devil is inside of her,
the devil is inside her house,
the devil lives with her once twice thrice

figure it out and get saved from the wrath of God

I don't know if she can be saved 

But I know she has never once asked for forgiveness

Not sure how I would react if she did,
 but she has never once asked for forgiveness 

She has never once denied her crimes

I don't know What Her future holds,
but I know how my story will end

It ends with me being on God's side, I will fight for Him I will fight with Him 

  I know the big guy in the sky has my back,
no one is greater than He

The moment I could see clearly

The moment I was awaken

The moment my eyes

Was when Mother told me when we were sitting on the love seat by the bar at your house grandma

She told me she was going to buy your house because they didn't have one for a $120,000

I was so shocked I woke up and slowly began to see what was going on all around me the entire time

She wanted that house for less than half the market value

You may not believe me but soon you will see, Soon everyone will see that I'm not the liar

Soon you will see who the real liar is God knows I'm not the liar I know I'm not the liar I'm not to betrayer of my family

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PEACE

Have your nightmare stopped

Do you sit and watch the clock

On the carousel of life

Hate goes round and round

Peace can not be found

Until you release The pain inside you

Peace will not be found

Just because I don't see

Doesn't mean You're not seen

God is all around you

I pray for us all

I pray for my enemies

I pray for my enemies to live happily ever after far away from me

I pray For house with strong walls

A house divided will surely fall

I pray God's protection for us all

I pray for God to touch us all

Before we fall

be the voice that shakes the earth

Dear courts of public opinion,
You must understand we forgave that woman many times in many times she continue with her bad behavior. She has been forgiven but will never forget and we will never put ourselves in that kind of danger again. Even as adults I keep my distance. My heart will not be tender for her, she will be judged when it's her time. I just choose to stay away from her for my sanity. And I am really sure Andrew and Tina feel the same way, Andrew tried to make peace with her, however she decided to choose her men over her kids it's been like that since I can remember since we moved to Florida and now she has to live with her choices in life. You must understand that woman Chose her path and she must live with the consequences. We will not forget and we will not be quiet everyone must know she may not go to jail for what she let happen but in the eyes of the media and public opinion it will hurt her more than anything. I say this to you, because I am glad we voiced our opinion and give each other advice because no one in the state of Florida has stepped up to help us not once, except maybe 2 for sure 1. Now we have to help ourselves, we may be wrong God would judge 4 that. But I do not believe we are wrong, I believe God wants her to choose a side and she's choosing the wrong one. She is choosing the man that hurt us all she wants to protect him, that's her choice we will no longer protect her or him. We have protected her 4 far too long and when I stopped I was freed. Once I stopped lying to myself , Lying to others about her trying to protect her, I was empowered by the truth. I was empowered by the light that came from the truth And I will continue to be strong and be empowered because I believe as do my brother and sister that Justice will be served whether it's now or in the next life. We will not be quiet to make her feel better, we will be louder. As I am loud with my voice for animals helpless people other children I will be even louder with my voice on this topic because how many of us remain silent to protect their feelings Of their abusers and we continued the cycle of violence continued to hurt others got hurt it must be stopped in must and God did not put us here to be abused he did not put us here to be assaulted I believe if these things happen to us it is a purpose for us to be Earth rattling voices and shout out to the world with our voices until the day they are judged.Either by man's court or by God. May God be with you, because I will not. Signed, the victims, the abused, the child, the voiceless, the grown up, the scarred, And now the empowered.t us all she wants to protect him, that's her choice we will no longer protect her or him. We have protected her 4 far too long and when I stopped I was freed.
Once I stopped lying to myself , Lying to others about her trying to protect her, I was empowered by the truth. I was empowered by the light that came from the truth And I will continue to be strong and be empowered because I believe as do my brother and sister that Justice will be served whether it's now or in the next life. We will not be quiet to make her feel better, we will be louder. As I am loud with my voice for animals helpless people other children I will be even louder with my voice on this topic because how many of us remain silent to protect their feelings Of their abusers and we continued the cycle of violence continued to hurt others got hurt it must be stopped in must and God did not put us here to be abused he did not put us here to be assaulted I believe if these things happen to us it is a purpose for us to be Earth rattling voices and shout out to the world with our voices until the day they are judged.Either by man's court or by God. May God be with you, because I will not. Sign, the victims, the abused, the child, the voiceless, the grown up, the scarred, And now the empowered

He is the one that saved us

the day that I was awaken
         the time that passed
eyes wide open

understanding at last
               why anger and a hard heart that I had
a heart that would keep locked its titanium walls

neglected by one
             hurt by two
        betrayed by many

only few ever knew
              the truth of what happened
the truth of my hard heart

only one ever was told
   of the old scars that remained an open wound
scars that continued to bleed

a mothers love I never knew
    a mother's healing touch I never felt
she continued to open my old wounds

an old sadness remains
     keep passing on that blame
passing on your shame

three divided
     we are one in the same
no one will we blame

holding our heads up high
    together we will fly
high into God's great sky

He will
   He has
     He will always be here to

offer us his loving heart
    his healing touch
He is the one that saved us

He save us with our hidden and oldest memories
helping us to know why we did what we did
     why we do what we do

together our spirits healed
    He showed us His love
is stronger when three become one

We are God's children
we are the ones that He loved
We choose our God over all others and know His love

Blessed are the ones that can see
     Blessed are the ones that hear Him
Blessed are God's children

BREAK THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE

what is love good for
when the ones who are suppose to love you
toss you out the door

what is love good for
when the one who is supposed to love you the most
did not care the most

what is love good for
when that parent shifted the why
the blame

it is not my fault someone hurt me
no it is not
but it is your fault that you did not love me

it is you fault for not making the choice
the change
it is your fault you did not
              BREAK THE CIRCLE OF VIOLENCE

you did not
                 BREAK THE SILENCE

you chose to have children not
1, not 2
, but 3
and you forgot us and
let us see

you let us see the evil that was there
waiting
waiting
waiting

for the cycle to continue
you allowed your devil to spread its evil
spread the abuse

BREAK THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE
SAVE A CHILD

BREAK THE SILENCE
       SAVE A CHILD


children no more
it hurts the same today
as yesterday

not to hide the lies inside
the shame

no one told until the day
the when all our shame let
an went away

shame on you
shame on them '
for shame that you hid it all away

my light shine more today
more and more
in every way

your devil has gone away from me
can you see
how happy we can be

lost in the lies
you can not hide
but see

see me
see her
see him

we see you
we see the truth
we see the real you

now you can see
what can be
together we three can be

we can be greater than the the devil you see
we have God on our side
cant you see

He led us to the truth
to the shine that was hidden inside
He shines on me

on me
on him
on her

He shine
on
us three

OVERCOMING the pain that she caused - part 3

When the devil knocks at the door of the house that you live in, your mother's house & you answer it with HOSTILITY you show all that you ARE guilty.

You even show that you will continue to lie about the evils that you hide, until you die.

You lie and say that you admitted your knowledge of the crimes against you eldest child. That was a lie. You tried to change the subject and ask about things that had nothing to do with what you were being confronted with. As always you deflect and try to shine the light elsewhere.

Deborah you have many devils that are coming to face you, the closet doors has been opened.

Mine was the first and my brothers was the second. Sooner or later my sister will be setting her devil free to knock on the door at the place that you reside.

We talk and share the skeletons in our closets, not ashamed anymore to be the victims.

Our whole lives you told us that my aunt & uncle were bad, my brother & sister were bad and now I find out that you told them that I was bad too.

We discovered you sick plan, you never wanted us to communicate with each other. You were mad when we went to see or even talk to your sister. You were mad when we talked to your brother. You almost lost it when you found out that your three children were actually hanging out and talking to each other.

Why Deborah, why were you so mad about that?

Why did you blame me for my brother coming to confront you?

Why did you rage when he called you Deborah? Fact! You have not been a mother or (even a mom) to us for a VERY LONG TIME! Your given name is Deborah and that is what we shall call you. If you feel disrespected that is your problem. You are so mad about the wrong things.

You should be made about the negative that you attract. You should be made at yourself for the evil people you brought into our lives.

I forgave you long ago deborah, I will never forget and I will no longer turn the other cheek. I will call out all and any negativity that comes to me or my family. You will no longer pretend that you are the victim! We three are the victims, God only knows if there are others.

I thought is was normal (what did I know I was a kid) that you would talk to me about your affairs with other men (and married men), even driving to a town closer to where they lived. Who was watching your kids then? Oh yeah no one. I was married and getting beaten daily (because that was better than being with you), my sister who know (she ran away) and my brother in jail (running away from you too). We remember, we remember all that you did and did not do.

I pray that my family stays safe, I pray that those against me stay safely far away and cause me and my family no further harm. I pray that you get the day that you deserve (today and everyday).

I am proud that my siblings, we our sharing & learning. I have finally discovered and shared the truths that were hid and dared not to speak about.

Deborah, if you don't stand with us you will be against us. I expect nothing less than you to continue to lie and cower & hide.

God will take out all the devils in our lives past/present/future one by one or maybe all at once.

Our God is stronger than your devil.

Our lives were ruined, by your lack of love, your lack of simply doing your duty, your lack of being a human being and by the men you allowed in our lives. We have overcome you and will forever continue to overcome you, waiting for our justice!

The Truth You Live By

Deflect the truth,
Lie.
Deflect the truth,
And continue to die inside.

Blame others for your lies,
Blame others for the evil you see within.
Face your demons—
You cannot lie.
See the devil you hide,
Deep inside.

Giving your voice to the demons
That you keep by your side,
But righteousness will override
The devils you choose to hide.

Truth is light,
And light is truth.
God is on our side—
In truth, the devil cannot hide.

Amen, Amen, Amen.
God be with us.

I pray that you all receive the days you deserve.

OVERCOMING the pain that she caused (the short version) - part 2

As the days go by we learn, we gain knowledge. This week I learned how much more there really was, so much more. Unbelievable, unimaginable things that she was part of.

When does a mother stop loving her children? When does she decide or choose to stop hugging and loving them? When does she decide it is okay to be a witness, be an accomplice or a participant?

What happened to her in the past that she became that person in the nightmarish lifetime movie?

She listened to her abuser, she listened to our abuser and she listens to the one who has pushed everyone away from her. She is a shell of a human, that listens to the predators that she attracts.
She is not human, humans protect their children. She gave her children to the predator and with each of his victims he became more and more aggressive, abusive to us all.

What happened to her in the past that she became that person in the nightmarish lifetime movie?
It does not matter, she made these choices. 

She is as sick as the men that she attracted. She is as sick as the men she allowed in our lives.

We are all damaged and it is all her fault, yet she makes us out to be the bad guys and her the victim. She is not the victim, we are. We are, we are, we are her victims.

Together we share our secrets, the secrets that she tried to keep us from sharing with each other before. Together we are strong and together our words will shake the ground under her feet. She will feel the deathening noise of the words that we speak. The windows will rattle and she will fear the truth that will rock her to her most inner core. 

Everyone, everyone will know what she allowed to happen and what she helped happen. 

She needs to be punished for the crimes that she committed against her children. But I know she will deny it, she will say that we are lying.

Riddle me this egg donor,  how do three people who do not talk to each other have stories that are remarkably similar? How is that possible? Here is how. I remembered, she remembers and now after all this time he remembers.

We will share our lifetime horror film with everyone, EVERYONE!

Everyone will know that she was partnered up with the devil that hurt us all.

Be the voice for the voiceless
No one was there to be our voice
she who should have be our voice 
she was not there for us (three)
we needed a protectors voice 
we needed someone to be strong
we three needed a mom 
what we got was nothing more than a selfish evil soul
a devil in disguise  

BE THE VOICE  
                            FOR THE VOICELESS 

See the Pain They Cause

See the Pain They Cause

If only those who fight dogs could swap places
and witness the pain they inflict.
If only they could feel the anguish
that I see in the eyes of God’s creation—
God's pets,
God’s love,
God’s gift.

Only a being as pure as God could forgive
and continue to love, protect, and obey
humans who choose to hurt, torture, and cause
endless suffering.

A dog—
given to us,
to be the friend we can trust,
to offer unconditional love.
A dog—
to help us,
knowing and feeling our pain,
reacting to save us from the hurt we carry,
inside and out.
Their mission is to love us
and save us from the darkness of the world.

If only those who fight dogs could swap places
and see the pain they cause.

OVERCOMING the pain that she caused (the short version)

We all have a story to tell, some are worse than Hell in its most physical form. Others are simply heart breaking, emotionally taxing and mentally cursing us with life long emotional pain and sadness.

Some of my earliest memories are of violence and sadness. My dad hurt my mom, my mom divorced my dad and moved us 1000 miles away from everything we knew. She gave up child support just so she was able to leave and moved her boyfriend with us.  She always told us about the bad things that she alleged my dad did, what mother does that? In 1986 we moved to Florida, it was all okay until we missed our family from New Jersey and had to acclimate to the southern lifestyle. 

We (the three kids) never had a home, she was always moving around and we were always getting evicted :-( She says she was always working, because she was NEVER HOME to supervise her children. She taught us nothing, but how to fail. 

I thought to write this blog today to maybe help someone out there who thinks that they can not overcome what has been their life. We can all over come our past, by letting go of it and not looking back. We need to look and move forward. 

Let me start with a few things that are burned into my mind and soul. 

In 1986: the school was called Matthew Gilbert it was a 7th grade center that I was forced to attend. For the most part is was a good year with good teachers and friends. I was on my way to class and was grouped in the stairwell by another student, I did not know who he was. I ran for my classroom and told know one. After that I went to the girls bathroom and closed fist punched the wall (messed up my knuckles), I felt so alone and helpless. At some point during the year, one of my classmates offered me a joint and I took it home and smoked it by the pond. My mother never noticed anything, she was always into her own life doing her own things. I guess she thought it was my grandparents job to watch us? No one watched us. 

I began smoking cigarettes and wearing a lot of makeup and listing to death metal. That year I was only 13 and was so depressed that I went to that pond, the place I felt safe and cried and begged God to let me die. What does a 13 year old know? I knew nothing. I was a depressed sad child with no dad to run to (he was in NJ) and a mom was never around. 

I was caught with cigarettes and she lost her mind when she found out, why? Because I made her look like a bad mom. I laugh at this thought today. I hated school, I hatted Florida because I have no one here to run to, so alone. I began cutting myself, then I tried to cut my wrist at a house that was forsale by my favorite pond. What I did not know then, was that he knew we had no one to run to, he knew we were alone. 

She moved us to Middleburg, back then is was country and dirt roads as far as the eye could see. The school had one black student and one Spanish student (me). Something else I was force to acclimate to "an all white school" that did not understand me. I learned about racial words that year, words I never heard in NJ or at the 7th grade center. 

Still always alone, my mothers boyfriend that she brought from NJ to Fl when we moved started looking at me in a way that I felt uncomfortable. I was 13 or 14 (I think), I told her that I did not like the way that he looked at me. She told me that meant nothing, she old me her child "THAT I MUST WANT HIM TO LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!" Why would she say that to me? Why?

I began drinking anything alcohol or beer that I found in the house. I drank before school and anytime I could. He let me drink, but why? I now think it was to let me get drunk so he could do more.

One day we were at grandpa's house, I don't remember if we were living there or not at this point in time, because we were evicted from the country house. My sister, brother and I were in grandpa's pool and my mothers boyfriend was pulling me around in the pool, me a not know any better let him. He pulled me from behind and then he pulled me in close. My mother was not out there as usual. He began rubbing me from waist to breast, I don't remember how long it took or how many times he stroked my breast before I bolted and ran inside the house. I dared not tell HER, she would call me a LIAR! 

I wrote a letter to my cousin. She was living in Puerto Rico at the time (I think), I cried and cried and I knew I had to tell someone. She did the right thing and told my dad. He called my mom. As I expected, she told him I was having issues and was a liar. Never once did I hear her confront that man she brought into our lives. 

My mothers boyfriend let me and gave me beer, he'd drive us around and once I was passed out drunk in the back seat of the car and we went to go pick up mommy dearest from work.

Now living in another country town and barley 15 years old, I met my first husband, he was 11 years older than me (little did I know he was another predator after young girls).
He gave me things that my mother did not; a box fan, food and attention. I was his because he filled the hole that my mother left for us. He fed my sister and brother. To me he did more for us 3 kids and than (at the time) meant that he love me and my siblings. At 15, I got pregnant and married him. I needed to leave her and once I did she was worried. My dad was mad, blamed here and she was mortified by that thought. To this day she still refuses to believe that she cause this pain that her 3 children suffered. 

At 16 I gave birth to a baby boy, I did not know how to be a wife or a mom. I knew all I need to succeed was to do the OPPOSITE of what she did. I was a battered wife from the point that we moved in together. He hit me where no one would ever see. My mother was told and nothing ever happened, because I refused to live with her ever again. Her boyfriend was still there, my sister had her own troubles with him and ran away. Mother called her a liar too. When I turned 18 and graduated high school, I divorced him. 

I never smoked or drank in front of my son. 

My mom babysat my son from time to time and at some point let this man that I divorced and stalked me, move in with her. What mother does that! I could not even go there anymore. My drinking got worse, I moved in with the man that would become my 2nd husband and the father to my daughter. Even this did not stop my X from stalking me and trying to fight my boyfriend, the restraining order was a joke. 

At some point my during my second marriage my mother got a another new boyfriend. 

When my daughter was created I totally quit smoking and drinking, except from time to time when all the kids were asleep and in bed. After about 8 years we divorced. His drinking was to much. I told him that I would come home when he quit drinking, but he never did and I met someone who did not drink, smoke or chew tobacco. 

Never really knowing or getting to know my mothers many boyfriends between the 1st on and this last one, she told me things that she did that NO child should ever know about their mother; affairs that she had with men and married men. What mother does that?

I was 29 in 2003, when my soon to be third husband and I moved in together and my mothers then boyfriend showed up at my apartment. It was a very long drive from where they lived to where I lived, and he showed up at my apartment UNANNOUNCED & UNINVITED. At that point in time I rarely spoke to my mother because of all the issues in the past. Why he came I did not know, but it freaked me out and after 2 predators in my life I was super skeptical about any man I met. He made my radar go off. I was never alone with him, ever. I tried to like him, but I could not. 

Not sure when my partner and I went to dinner with my mother and her boyfriend, my man caught him staring at my breast and told me about it. Of coarse, when I told mother about it she said I should not wear low cut tops if I did not want that to happen! 

Fast forward, we had a argument and she said he was looking at the TV. Really the TV was located between my breast? She still refuses to believe me. At 45 years old why would I lie?

There was a point when my partner lost his job and we were out of time and money, everything was getting repossessed and were were evicted. The situation forced me to agree to live with my mother and her man, that was the worst and longest three months of our lives. 

He did things that my mother denies he would ever do, like lie naked on the sofa at night (with my man, my child and me in a 1 bathroom house, we all stayed in 1 bedroom) and he would use the bathroom with the door cracked open (the room we were in was right beside the bathroom). But she swears he would never do anything, only because we did not give him the chance.

We moved out. We'd rather live in the ghetto that be with them two.   

She wants him she can have him, but I refuse to be around him. He cause my anxiety to freak out. I had to stop going to holiday gatherings because of him, using all the excuses I could not to hurt her feelings. But then he did it, he pushed my last button and my last nerve ruptured. It was time to be real and I did not care whose feelings I hurt.  

The she and he man had their lawyer send me a letter because I stated my opinion of him to her and she did not like it. My mother (now known as my cell donor) approved the letter her husband's lawyer sent me. Because they use people, I pray that she never needs me. I will hurt her feeling some more because she is dead to me.

She was our mother and she made our lives harder that they needed to be. Life is hard without allowing others to bring out the worst in you. As a child I had no recourse, as an adult I tried to be kind and do the right thing and now in 2018 I will not allow the negative that others create to come into my life. I can do God's will, be kind, wish you no harm, but never have to see you or hear you or be around you again! 

Wish them well and pray to God to keep them safely away from me and you, this way all can live in happiness. Feel no guilt and be strong, stay clear of the negative evils that people want to inflict on us even if that means we stay clear of them. 

From 13 years old to 45 years old, I allowed them to control my happiness, that stopped in December of 2018. This is my story, my life, and now my choice to live right and happy without them. My choice to help myself and fix myself. It is my time and I know God wants me to be happy too, so I choose my time to be now. 

Through all of this I managed to graduate high school, raise 2 children (and love them), keep a fulltime job throughout all my issues (some not mentioned), get a bachelor's degree of science in Criminal Justice and an associates degree in Human Resource Administration. In 2007 I married the man that moved in with me in 2003. Even though he saw the crazy that was my life he married me. 

I hope I can help someone/anyone that my need a lift up towards happiness. It can be done, you can find your happy place. I did.  

I took the below pictures. I took these cloud sightings as a sign from God to PUSH FORWARD and be happy. God LOVES us and wants us to do right and fight to be happy!

driving past the church across from Lasoc Park

clouds from my rental house over the Lasco Park

The Bite

The Bite

Sitting quietly,
An ear-piercing screech rips through my head.
I jump up, attacking everything in my path,
Though I don’t know why.
The noise sparks raging red flashbacks,
Blinding me with the weight of my past.
I lash out.
Mommy’s voice echoes in the distance, "STOP, STOP, STOP,
No, no, stop!"
But I can't.
I feel lightning pierce my innermost being.
I run to my mommy's room—
My safe place.
Now, I wonder, what did I do?
What will happen?
She hasn’t spoken to me for days, her anger lingering.
My side still aches from the lightning that struck me.
I can see I hurt her.
I see the bite.
I bit her knee.

If she makes me leave,
Who will have me?
Does she still love me?
Days pass, maybe even a week,
But I will try harder to be a good boy.
Finally, she pets me,
Finally, she speaks to me.
She hasn’t sent me away.
She looks at me, and softly says,
"I love you, but you cannot hurt me or people.
You’re a good boy. Be a good boy for Mommy."
I am still here.
She loves me.
My mommy still loves me.