Doing what's right even when it's hard -

Not a typical Sunday, watching church online because I didn't want to leave the house. Halloween day was on a Sunday this year. 

Dogs were running in the backyard having a good time in-and-out of the house making a mess, everything was everything was fine. 

Then there was a noise I started to get up slowly, until I heard the 2nd noise and I got up faster and on my feet, turned around. 

My baby boy about 50 pounds almost a senior citizen, came charging (I was standing in the way of him going into his room, where his create sat) and I was in his way. He was on me, biting my knee, biting my thigh, biting my hand and arm. 

My husband came to try and help but he couldn't get him off. Now both of us on the floor sitting on him, like we were wrangling a cow. He wouldn't snap out of it. I put my free hand in the dog's mouth, pushed down with the arm that was being bit, pulled up with my right hand puncturing my own fingers to try and pride my left arm free. Pushing my left arm into his mouth further, trying to make him release without tearing my flesh. Then I was free.

I couldn't move, for fear he would try for my neck or face because we were all on the floor. 

I could see in his eyes, so clear my dog was gone. I don't know what this was that took over him. 

My husband yelled at me to go go go. I got up super fast and then he was on my husband's arm and I just turned around for a second looking for something to help my husband and he was on my husband's chest. My heart just stopped for fear he would go for his neck or face.

I ran to the room, it's about 20 steps away or less. I grab my gun that is meant for home security. Ran back to my husband leaving blood trail everywhere. 

I looked at my husband, pointed the gun at the dog and he yelled at me not to shoot our dog, but he wouldn't let go. 

As I uttered the words, I don't know what to do I removed the safety and I shot my baby boy. I had to save my husband, I had no choice - only bad and worse options. 

Through all this my thoughts were that no one else that was in the house would be hurt by my dog. I don't even remember much of what they were doing. They had to tell me, all I saw was the dog and my husband. Thank God that he only bite me and my husband. 

I would die to save the life of all the animals we care for. I would never hurt them. 

I know he suffered from PSTD and we have kept him save for almost 10 years from the public and himself. On 10.31.2021 we failed him, we weren't able to save him from himself. 

My point is that I did not shot my dog in hate or rage. I love him and I'm not mad at him. I don't blame him or anyone. I freed my baby from the demons that were tormenting him and saved his daddy. 

I miss him so much and I ask God to tell him that I love him, he is a good boy, and he is free to go and play with his two sisters and have fun. Free of this worldly pain. 

I will still rescue and be the best voice that I can for the voiceless. 

The three dogs that you see here have now all past. They were all the loves of my life and I know that now they are all three together again, playing and having fun. I miss them all and still love them. I lost the 2 girls in July of 2019. 

We must love! Even when it is hard, we must love. Even when we have to make the hard choices or decisions, we must do it out of love. Like God's pure love, like the love our dogs give us. We must love.