Every Believer Must See This: Satan’s LIE Exposed // Spiritual Warfare

The Devil Inside: What a Mother Should Never Be

Thinking back to the first attack,
we didn’t know what was to be,
what was to become of me,
me, only twelve, turning thirteen.

She was possessed by the lust of a dangerous man,
with a dangerous plan—
a plan for a woman leaving her man,
a woman with three kids (almost four, left on a clinic floor).

Did the lost child belong to my dad,
or the man with the dangerous plan?
She moved us far away from our dad,
we were trapped with her, and the man with the dangerous plan.

He watched us,
he touched me—
I did not know,
I did not see.
It wasn’t only me.

He did more—can you see?
She did not believe me,
she did not believe them.
Touched and tortured,
she denied it, pretending to be a good mommy.

We all ran away from her,
left at about fourteen or fifteen,
trading one devil for another,
leaving her for the lesser of the evils in this world.

It’s confusing to me,
I don’t understand why she let these things happen,
why she let it happen to us,
why she aided in his dark, evil acts.

Through their darkness,
we stood, fighting back,
not knowing our Savior had our backs,
only able to see the dark attacks.

He helped us stand,
He helped us not fall.
Through it all, we stood up,
prepared for the next battle.

This is an internal war,
between a mother and her children,
children fighting from the start,
fighting for love, happiness, and safety
that we'd never find with her.

This long fight finally took us to God’s door,
searching for so much more.
Once we opened that door,
love and happiness flowed through us,
with a new family in tow,
and God's army waiting.

We will not lose this battle,
the battle that started at Mother’s door.
For reasons we may never know,
when God closes one door,
He opens another.
Mother's doors kept us prisoners,
prisoners in life and in our minds,
reality a false tale.

Once the Holy Spirit came calling,
Mother’s door began to fall,
with Holy Spirit whispers,
I no longer fear the dark knight.
I no longer fear the devil at her side,
I no longer fear her demon-possessed soul.

I know that God will have my back
at every single attack—
devil be gone,
with the power of my Lord and Savior,
demons leave us alone,
in the name of Jesus Christ.

Amen. Amen.

Finally at peace,
finally, we can be free.
Now free to become who we were meant to be,
who God wanted us to be.

He has my back

I have discovered through years that the closer you get to God the more the devil fights you

I have discovered through the years when you walk with the devil nothing bad's seems to happen

I have discovered through the years when you talk to God you grow 

You grow close and sometimes bad things happen

Bad things happen because the devil is fighting you the devil is fighting for you he wants to keep you on his side

When I think of being on The wrong side
I will gladly except the fight because I know my God is stronger than the devil

I know my God is stronger than those false gods

I know that my checkered past my,
the abuse as a child,
the bad things that happen in our lives when we were little,
the fact that we will never have a mother,
because she chose the wrong side, not once, not twice,
 but 3 times she chose the wrong side

Because the devil is inside

The devil is inside of her,
the devil is inside her house,
the devil lives with her once twice thrice

figure it out and get saved from the wrath of God

I don't know if she can be saved 

But I know she has never once asked for forgiveness

Not sure how I would react if she did,
 but she has never once asked for forgiveness 

She has never once denied her crimes

I don't know What Her future holds,
but I know how my story will end

It ends with me being on God's side, I will fight for Him I will fight with Him 

  I know the big guy in the sky has my back,
no one is greater than He

The moment I could see clearly

The moment I was awaken

The moment my eyes

Was when Mother told me when we were sitting on the love seat by the bar at your house grandma

She told me she was going to buy your house because they didn't have one for a $120,000

I was so shocked I woke up and slowly began to see what was going on all around me the entire time

She wanted that house for less than half the market value

You may not believe me but soon you will see, Soon everyone will see that I'm not the liar

Soon you will see who the real liar is God knows I'm not the liar I know I'm not the liar I'm not to betrayer of my family

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PEACE

Have your nightmare stopped

Do you sit and watch the clock

On the carousel of life

Hate goes round and round

Peace can not be found

Until you release The pain inside you

Peace will not be found

Just because I don't see

Doesn't mean You're not seen

God is all around you

I pray for us all

I pray for my enemies

I pray for my enemies to live happily ever after far away from me

I pray For house with strong walls

A house divided will surely fall

I pray God's protection for us all

I pray for God to touch us all

Before we fall

be the voice that shakes the earth

Dear courts of public opinion,
You must understand we forgave that woman many times in many times she continue with her bad behavior. She has been forgiven but will never forget and we will never put ourselves in that kind of danger again. Even as adults I keep my distance. My heart will not be tender for her, she will be judged when it's her time. I just choose to stay away from her for my sanity. And I am really sure Andrew and Tina feel the same way, Andrew tried to make peace with her, however she decided to choose her men over her kids it's been like that since I can remember since we moved to Florida and now she has to live with her choices in life. You must understand that woman Chose her path and she must live with the consequences. We will not forget and we will not be quiet everyone must know she may not go to jail for what she let happen but in the eyes of the media and public opinion it will hurt her more than anything. I say this to you, because I am glad we voiced our opinion and give each other advice because no one in the state of Florida has stepped up to help us not once, except maybe 2 for sure 1. Now we have to help ourselves, we may be wrong God would judge 4 that. But I do not believe we are wrong, I believe God wants her to choose a side and she's choosing the wrong one. She is choosing the man that hurt us all she wants to protect him, that's her choice we will no longer protect her or him. We have protected her 4 far too long and when I stopped I was freed. Once I stopped lying to myself , Lying to others about her trying to protect her, I was empowered by the truth. I was empowered by the light that came from the truth And I will continue to be strong and be empowered because I believe as do my brother and sister that Justice will be served whether it's now or in the next life. We will not be quiet to make her feel better, we will be louder. As I am loud with my voice for animals helpless people other children I will be even louder with my voice on this topic because how many of us remain silent to protect their feelings Of their abusers and we continued the cycle of violence continued to hurt others got hurt it must be stopped in must and God did not put us here to be abused he did not put us here to be assaulted I believe if these things happen to us it is a purpose for us to be Earth rattling voices and shout out to the world with our voices until the day they are judged.Either by man's court or by God. May God be with you, because I will not. Signed, the victims, the abused, the child, the voiceless, the grown up, the scarred, And now the empowered.t us all she wants to protect him, that's her choice we will no longer protect her or him. We have protected her 4 far too long and when I stopped I was freed.
Once I stopped lying to myself , Lying to others about her trying to protect her, I was empowered by the truth. I was empowered by the light that came from the truth And I will continue to be strong and be empowered because I believe as do my brother and sister that Justice will be served whether it's now or in the next life. We will not be quiet to make her feel better, we will be louder. As I am loud with my voice for animals helpless people other children I will be even louder with my voice on this topic because how many of us remain silent to protect their feelings Of their abusers and we continued the cycle of violence continued to hurt others got hurt it must be stopped in must and God did not put us here to be abused he did not put us here to be assaulted I believe if these things happen to us it is a purpose for us to be Earth rattling voices and shout out to the world with our voices until the day they are judged.Either by man's court or by God. May God be with you, because I will not. Sign, the victims, the abused, the child, the voiceless, the grown up, the scarred, And now the empowered

He is the one that saved us

the day that I was awaken
         the time that passed
eyes wide open

understanding at last
               why anger and a hard heart that I had
a heart that would keep locked its titanium walls

neglected by one
             hurt by two
        betrayed by many

only few ever knew
              the truth of what happened
the truth of my hard heart

only one ever was told
   of the old scars that remained an open wound
scars that continued to bleed

a mothers love I never knew
    a mother's healing touch I never felt
she continued to open my old wounds

an old sadness remains
     keep passing on that blame
passing on your shame

three divided
     we are one in the same
no one will we blame

holding our heads up high
    together we will fly
high into God's great sky

He will
   He has
     He will always be here to

offer us his loving heart
    his healing touch
He is the one that saved us

He save us with our hidden and oldest memories
helping us to know why we did what we did
     why we do what we do

together our spirits healed
    He showed us His love
is stronger when three become one

We are God's children
we are the ones that He loved
We choose our God over all others and know His love

Blessed are the ones that can see
     Blessed are the ones that hear Him
Blessed are God's children

BREAK THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE

what is love good for
when the ones who are suppose to love you
toss you out the door

what is love good for
when the one who is supposed to love you the most
did not care the most

what is love good for
when that parent shifted the why
the blame

it is not my fault someone hurt me
no it is not
but it is your fault that you did not love me

it is you fault for not making the choice
the change
it is your fault you did not
              BREAK THE CIRCLE OF VIOLENCE

you did not
                 BREAK THE SILENCE

you chose to have children not
1, not 2
, but 3
and you forgot us and
let us see

you let us see the evil that was there
waiting
waiting
waiting

for the cycle to continue
you allowed your devil to spread its evil
spread the abuse

BREAK THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE
SAVE A CHILD

BREAK THE SILENCE
       SAVE A CHILD


children no more
it hurts the same today
as yesterday

not to hide the lies inside
the shame

no one told until the day
the when all our shame let
an went away

shame on you
shame on them '
for shame that you hid it all away

my light shine more today
more and more
in every way

your devil has gone away from me
can you see
how happy we can be

lost in the lies
you can not hide
but see

see me
see her
see him

we see you
we see the truth
we see the real you

now you can see
what can be
together we three can be

we can be greater than the the devil you see
we have God on our side
cant you see

He led us to the truth
to the shine that was hidden inside
He shines on me

on me
on him
on her

He shine
on
us three

OVERCOMING the pain that she caused - part 3

When the devil knocks at the door of the house that you live in, your mother's house & you answer it with HOSTILITY you show all that you ARE guilty.

You even show that you will continue to lie about the evils that you hide, until you die.

You lie and say that you admitted your knowledge of the crimes against you eldest child. That was a lie. You tried to change the subject and ask about things that had nothing to do with what you were being confronted with. As always you deflect and try to shine the light elsewhere.

Deborah you have many devils that are coming to face you, the closet doors has been opened.

Mine was the first and my brothers was the second. Sooner or later my sister will be setting her devil free to knock on the door at the place that you reside.

We talk and share the skeletons in our closets, not ashamed anymore to be the victims.

Our whole lives you told us that my aunt & uncle were bad, my brother & sister were bad and now I find out that you told them that I was bad too.

We discovered you sick plan, you never wanted us to communicate with each other. You were mad when we went to see or even talk to your sister. You were mad when we talked to your brother. You almost lost it when you found out that your three children were actually hanging out and talking to each other.

Why Deborah, why were you so mad about that?

Why did you blame me for my brother coming to confront you?

Why did you rage when he called you Deborah? Fact! You have not been a mother or (even a mom) to us for a VERY LONG TIME! Your given name is Deborah and that is what we shall call you. If you feel disrespected that is your problem. You are so mad about the wrong things.

You should be made about the negative that you attract. You should be made at yourself for the evil people you brought into our lives.

I forgave you long ago deborah, I will never forget and I will no longer turn the other cheek. I will call out all and any negativity that comes to me or my family. You will no longer pretend that you are the victim! We three are the victims, God only knows if there are others.

I thought is was normal (what did I know I was a kid) that you would talk to me about your affairs with other men (and married men), even driving to a town closer to where they lived. Who was watching your kids then? Oh yeah no one. I was married and getting beaten daily (because that was better than being with you), my sister who know (she ran away) and my brother in jail (running away from you too). We remember, we remember all that you did and did not do.

I pray that my family stays safe, I pray that those against me stay safely far away and cause me and my family no further harm. I pray that you get the day that you deserve (today and everyday).

I am proud that my siblings, we our sharing & learning. I have finally discovered and shared the truths that were hid and dared not to speak about.

Deborah, if you don't stand with us you will be against us. I expect nothing less than you to continue to lie and cower & hide.

God will take out all the devils in our lives past/present/future one by one or maybe all at once.

Our God is stronger than your devil.

Our lives were ruined, by your lack of love, your lack of simply doing your duty, your lack of being a human being and by the men you allowed in our lives. We have overcome you and will forever continue to overcome you, waiting for our justice!

The Truth You Live By

Deflect the truth,
Lie.
Deflect the truth,
And continue to die inside.

Blame others for your lies,
Blame others for the evil you see within.
Face your demons—
You cannot lie.
See the devil you hide,
Deep inside.

Giving your voice to the demons
That you keep by your side,
But righteousness will override
The devils you choose to hide.

Truth is light,
And light is truth.
God is on our side—
In truth, the devil cannot hide.

Amen, Amen, Amen.
God be with us.

I pray that you all receive the days you deserve.

OVERCOMING the pain that she caused (the short version) - part 2

As the days go by we learn, we gain knowledge. This week I learned how much more there really was, so much more. Unbelievable, unimaginable things that she was part of.

When does a mother stop loving her children? When does she decide or choose to stop hugging and loving them? When does she decide it is okay to be a witness, be an accomplice or a participant?

What happened to her in the past that she became that person in the nightmarish lifetime movie?

She listened to her abuser, she listened to our abuser and she listens to the one who has pushed everyone away from her. She is a shell of a human, that listens to the predators that she attracts.
She is not human, humans protect their children. She gave her children to the predator and with each of his victims he became more and more aggressive, abusive to us all.

What happened to her in the past that she became that person in the nightmarish lifetime movie?
It does not matter, she made these choices. 

She is as sick as the men that she attracted. She is as sick as the men she allowed in our lives.

We are all damaged and it is all her fault, yet she makes us out to be the bad guys and her the victim. She is not the victim, we are. We are, we are, we are her victims.

Together we share our secrets, the secrets that she tried to keep us from sharing with each other before. Together we are strong and together our words will shake the ground under her feet. She will feel the deathening noise of the words that we speak. The windows will rattle and she will fear the truth that will rock her to her most inner core. 

Everyone, everyone will know what she allowed to happen and what she helped happen. 

She needs to be punished for the crimes that she committed against her children. But I know she will deny it, she will say that we are lying.

Riddle me this egg donor,  how do three people who do not talk to each other have stories that are remarkably similar? How is that possible? Here is how. I remembered, she remembers and now after all this time he remembers.

We will share our lifetime horror film with everyone, EVERYONE!

Everyone will know that she was partnered up with the devil that hurt us all.

Be the voice for the voiceless
No one was there to be our voice
she who should have be our voice 
she was not there for us (three)
we needed a protectors voice 
we needed someone to be strong
we three needed a mom 
what we got was nothing more than a selfish evil soul
a devil in disguise  

BE THE VOICE  
                            FOR THE VOICELESS 

See the Pain They Cause

See the Pain They Cause

If only those who fight dogs could swap places
and witness the pain they inflict.
If only they could feel the anguish
that I see in the eyes of God’s creation—
God's pets,
God’s love,
God’s gift.

Only a being as pure as God could forgive
and continue to love, protect, and obey
humans who choose to hurt, torture, and cause
endless suffering.

A dog—
given to us,
to be the friend we can trust,
to offer unconditional love.
A dog—
to help us,
knowing and feeling our pain,
reacting to save us from the hurt we carry,
inside and out.
Their mission is to love us
and save us from the darkness of the world.

If only those who fight dogs could swap places
and see the pain they cause.

OVERCOMING the pain that she caused (the short version)

We all have a story to tell, some are worse than Hell in its most physical form. Others are simply heart breaking, emotionally taxing and mentally cursing us with life long emotional pain and sadness.

Some of my earliest memories are of violence and sadness. My dad hurt my mom, my mom divorced my dad and moved us 1000 miles away from everything we knew. She gave up child support just so she was able to leave and moved her boyfriend with us.  She always told us about the bad things that she alleged my dad did, what mother does that? In 1986 we moved to Florida, it was all okay until we missed our family from New Jersey and had to acclimate to the southern lifestyle. 

We (the three kids) never had a home, she was always moving around and we were always getting evicted :-( She says she was always working, because she was NEVER HOME to supervise her children. She taught us nothing, but how to fail. 

I thought to write this blog today to maybe help someone out there who thinks that they can not overcome what has been their life. We can all over come our past, by letting go of it and not looking back. We need to look and move forward. 

Let me start with a few things that are burned into my mind and soul. 

In 1986: the school was called Matthew Gilbert it was a 7th grade center that I was forced to attend. For the most part is was a good year with good teachers and friends. I was on my way to class and was grouped in the stairwell by another student, I did not know who he was. I ran for my classroom and told know one. After that I went to the girls bathroom and closed fist punched the wall (messed up my knuckles), I felt so alone and helpless. At some point during the year, one of my classmates offered me a joint and I took it home and smoked it by the pond. My mother never noticed anything, she was always into her own life doing her own things. I guess she thought it was my grandparents job to watch us? No one watched us. 

I began smoking cigarettes and wearing a lot of makeup and listing to death metal. That year I was only 13 and was so depressed that I went to that pond, the place I felt safe and cried and begged God to let me die. What does a 13 year old know? I knew nothing. I was a depressed sad child with no dad to run to (he was in NJ) and a mom was never around. 

I was caught with cigarettes and she lost her mind when she found out, why? Because I made her look like a bad mom. I laugh at this thought today. I hated school, I hatted Florida because I have no one here to run to, so alone. I began cutting myself, then I tried to cut my wrist at a house that was forsale by my favorite pond. What I did not know then, was that he knew we had no one to run to, he knew we were alone. 

She moved us to Middleburg, back then is was country and dirt roads as far as the eye could see. The school had one black student and one Spanish student (me). Something else I was force to acclimate to "an all white school" that did not understand me. I learned about racial words that year, words I never heard in NJ or at the 7th grade center. 

Still always alone, my mothers boyfriend that she brought from NJ to Fl when we moved started looking at me in a way that I felt uncomfortable. I was 13 or 14 (I think), I told her that I did not like the way that he looked at me. She told me that meant nothing, she old me her child "THAT I MUST WANT HIM TO LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!" Why would she say that to me? Why?

I began drinking anything alcohol or beer that I found in the house. I drank before school and anytime I could. He let me drink, but why? I now think it was to let me get drunk so he could do more.

One day we were at grandpa's house, I don't remember if we were living there or not at this point in time, because we were evicted from the country house. My sister, brother and I were in grandpa's pool and my mothers boyfriend was pulling me around in the pool, me a not know any better let him. He pulled me from behind and then he pulled me in close. My mother was not out there as usual. He began rubbing me from waist to breast, I don't remember how long it took or how many times he stroked my breast before I bolted and ran inside the house. I dared not tell HER, she would call me a LIAR! 

I wrote a letter to my cousin. She was living in Puerto Rico at the time (I think), I cried and cried and I knew I had to tell someone. She did the right thing and told my dad. He called my mom. As I expected, she told him I was having issues and was a liar. Never once did I hear her confront that man she brought into our lives. 

My mothers boyfriend let me and gave me beer, he'd drive us around and once I was passed out drunk in the back seat of the car and we went to go pick up mommy dearest from work.

Now living in another country town and barley 15 years old, I met my first husband, he was 11 years older than me (little did I know he was another predator after young girls).
He gave me things that my mother did not; a box fan, food and attention. I was his because he filled the hole that my mother left for us. He fed my sister and brother. To me he did more for us 3 kids and than (at the time) meant that he love me and my siblings. At 15, I got pregnant and married him. I needed to leave her and once I did she was worried. My dad was mad, blamed here and she was mortified by that thought. To this day she still refuses to believe that she cause this pain that her 3 children suffered. 

At 16 I gave birth to a baby boy, I did not know how to be a wife or a mom. I knew all I need to succeed was to do the OPPOSITE of what she did. I was a battered wife from the point that we moved in together. He hit me where no one would ever see. My mother was told and nothing ever happened, because I refused to live with her ever again. Her boyfriend was still there, my sister had her own troubles with him and ran away. Mother called her a liar too. When I turned 18 and graduated high school, I divorced him. 

I never smoked or drank in front of my son. 

My mom babysat my son from time to time and at some point let this man that I divorced and stalked me, move in with her. What mother does that! I could not even go there anymore. My drinking got worse, I moved in with the man that would become my 2nd husband and the father to my daughter. Even this did not stop my X from stalking me and trying to fight my boyfriend, the restraining order was a joke. 

At some point my during my second marriage my mother got a another new boyfriend. 

When my daughter was created I totally quit smoking and drinking, except from time to time when all the kids were asleep and in bed. After about 8 years we divorced. His drinking was to much. I told him that I would come home when he quit drinking, but he never did and I met someone who did not drink, smoke or chew tobacco. 

Never really knowing or getting to know my mothers many boyfriends between the 1st on and this last one, she told me things that she did that NO child should ever know about their mother; affairs that she had with men and married men. What mother does that?

I was 29 in 2003, when my soon to be third husband and I moved in together and my mothers then boyfriend showed up at my apartment. It was a very long drive from where they lived to where I lived, and he showed up at my apartment UNANNOUNCED & UNINVITED. At that point in time I rarely spoke to my mother because of all the issues in the past. Why he came I did not know, but it freaked me out and after 2 predators in my life I was super skeptical about any man I met. He made my radar go off. I was never alone with him, ever. I tried to like him, but I could not. 

Not sure when my partner and I went to dinner with my mother and her boyfriend, my man caught him staring at my breast and told me about it. Of coarse, when I told mother about it she said I should not wear low cut tops if I did not want that to happen! 

Fast forward, we had a argument and she said he was looking at the TV. Really the TV was located between my breast? She still refuses to believe me. At 45 years old why would I lie?

There was a point when my partner lost his job and we were out of time and money, everything was getting repossessed and were were evicted. The situation forced me to agree to live with my mother and her man, that was the worst and longest three months of our lives. 

He did things that my mother denies he would ever do, like lie naked on the sofa at night (with my man, my child and me in a 1 bathroom house, we all stayed in 1 bedroom) and he would use the bathroom with the door cracked open (the room we were in was right beside the bathroom). But she swears he would never do anything, only because we did not give him the chance.

We moved out. We'd rather live in the ghetto that be with them two.   

She wants him she can have him, but I refuse to be around him. He cause my anxiety to freak out. I had to stop going to holiday gatherings because of him, using all the excuses I could not to hurt her feelings. But then he did it, he pushed my last button and my last nerve ruptured. It was time to be real and I did not care whose feelings I hurt.  

The she and he man had their lawyer send me a letter because I stated my opinion of him to her and she did not like it. My mother (now known as my cell donor) approved the letter her husband's lawyer sent me. Because they use people, I pray that she never needs me. I will hurt her feeling some more because she is dead to me.

She was our mother and she made our lives harder that they needed to be. Life is hard without allowing others to bring out the worst in you. As a child I had no recourse, as an adult I tried to be kind and do the right thing and now in 2018 I will not allow the negative that others create to come into my life. I can do God's will, be kind, wish you no harm, but never have to see you or hear you or be around you again! 

Wish them well and pray to God to keep them safely away from me and you, this way all can live in happiness. Feel no guilt and be strong, stay clear of the negative evils that people want to inflict on us even if that means we stay clear of them. 

From 13 years old to 45 years old, I allowed them to control my happiness, that stopped in December of 2018. This is my story, my life, and now my choice to live right and happy without them. My choice to help myself and fix myself. It is my time and I know God wants me to be happy too, so I choose my time to be now. 

Through all of this I managed to graduate high school, raise 2 children (and love them), keep a fulltime job throughout all my issues (some not mentioned), get a bachelor's degree of science in Criminal Justice and an associates degree in Human Resource Administration. In 2007 I married the man that moved in with me in 2003. Even though he saw the crazy that was my life he married me. 

I hope I can help someone/anyone that my need a lift up towards happiness. It can be done, you can find your happy place. I did.  

I took the below pictures. I took these cloud sightings as a sign from God to PUSH FORWARD and be happy. God LOVES us and wants us to do right and fight to be happy!

driving past the church across from Lasoc Park

clouds from my rental house over the Lasco Park

The Bite

The Bite

Sitting quietly,
An ear-piercing screech rips through my head.
I jump up, attacking everything in my path,
Though I don’t know why.
The noise sparks raging red flashbacks,
Blinding me with the weight of my past.
I lash out.
Mommy’s voice echoes in the distance, "STOP, STOP, STOP,
No, no, stop!"
But I can't.
I feel lightning pierce my innermost being.
I run to my mommy's room—
My safe place.
Now, I wonder, what did I do?
What will happen?
She hasn’t spoken to me for days, her anger lingering.
My side still aches from the lightning that struck me.
I can see I hurt her.
I see the bite.
I bit her knee.

If she makes me leave,
Who will have me?
Does she still love me?
Days pass, maybe even a week,
But I will try harder to be a good boy.
Finally, she pets me,
Finally, she speaks to me.
She hasn’t sent me away.
She looks at me, and softly says,
"I love you, but you cannot hurt me or people.
You’re a good boy. Be a good boy for Mommy."
I am still here.
She loves me.
My mommy still loves me.

If you listen when HE speaks

When He speaks to us
     do we really listen
           He offers us second chances
               do we really listen
                    If you listen you will see

I can tell you many stories that could be chance
     the stories
          could be faith
               the stories could be
                    so much more

He gave me sign 
     I always saw them
          heard them
               felt that something was coming
                   felt that something was going to happen

when it happened
     My old lady baby Ritta was almost no more
          My heart was crying, screaming that i am not ready
                    My mind was breaking, don't take her away
                         My inner most mind was PRAYING           
                                       
Because I listened
     heard the whispers
          saw the signs
               felt the meaning
                    Only He can give us the site to see what it all means

I was in the right place at the right time
      God gave me and my Ritta more time
          God gave my Dog more time
                She is here today because I listen to my Father
                    Watching, waiting for the signs, not wasting any time

God knew I was not ready to see her go
     God knew that if she passed that day
          my heart would be broken, flying far away
               God gave me the chance to save her life, as long as my eyes were open
                    as I pray I thank God every day for who He allows to stay

Ritta (3/21/18 ~ the night she almost wasn't)

3/27/2018

My old girl sits beside me She nudges her head wanting me to touch her. I touch her head I rub her kiss her talk to her telling her how much I adore in love her

She gags she becomes restless she walks around so uncomfortable, she gags some more producing no spit no vomit she starts foaming at the mouth her stomach starts to swell and swell and swell. on my God I think she's gonna burst, I start to panic

The weekend before she had similar symptoms however she did vomit she did go potty and the swelling went away within minutes. I thought nothing of it, I did some research there were 6 or 8 options on Google of what she could be suffering from

As all of this flashes by my head all I can think of was one of those things said death within minutes more panic sets in I  Begin to cry

As I cry-out that I have to go to the vet right now! Her belly continues to grow I put her in the back of the truck and we drive, not sure where to go. I called my vet their closing, however they fax information to the ER vet and tell me where to go.

Driving to the vet I cry on the phone to the vet, I cry when I'm trying to talk and check her into the ER. Just as I can become a little calmed in the safety of the office,  she continues to gag her swelling continues to grow I know she might not walk out

She will be 13 next month. They take her to the back what seemed like an eternity finally the doctor comes back confirming that she has Bloat. That was one of the things listed, the 1 that can kill her. I continue to cry I just wanted her home with me

To love another so muchThat the thought of them not being there brings you in to immediate tears as pain, To sit there alone processing this brings even more pain

He says assuming everything comes back good with her blood work, they can do surgery and try to save her. Do you want an estimate he ask? My eyes got big and I said, no just save her I don't care. The estimate was $3500 at the worst case scenario and I just said I don't care I just start pulling out credit cards, save my baby. Her time is not now

After I make the payment of the best case scenario $2350 they kick me out of the ER told me to go home and wait. I sat in the parking lot for at least an hour crying

I get home and I can't stop crying I call them a couple hours later and she's just now going into surgery I wait, I wait and I cried myself to sleep

No one beside, me all alone, I cry and curled up with the other dogs.

Sometime while I was asleep there was a voicemail that came in. She survived the surgery, a gasp of relief. I dropped the phone and fall asleep in total exhaustion.

At 8:00 a.m. the phone rings and the doctor repeats the same thing that was on the voicemail, she made it through surgery and she's ready to go home. Like a lightning bolt I was gone, dressed and out of the house to go get my baby, my old lady baby

A straight line cut down her gut, every time I check her incision, I flashback to the pain of what if-not having her around. Her belly looks great, the bruising is going away she's moving around more and more as each day passes my old lady baby is healing

I sit here looking at her incision and she sleeps so peacefully, my old lady baby is beautiful all Gray with staples running down her middle belly. I love her so much, I love them all. This is the 2nd time one of our babies have touched death and my heart breaks at the thought of them not being here annoying me, happily Annoying me. 

I would never change a thing, I want them to be here for as long as possible. Annoying me, loving me, as I'm sure I annoy them and I love them. There is Nothing that I won't do for them. I wouldn't let them ever go anywhere or be taken away from me. I love my rescue dogs, so very much

Why are WE mr. black

I am a writer. Sometimes I am pure light and happiness and sometimes I am raw and hard.
Most people, writers, that I know write with their hearts on their sleeves. I am one of those writers, always writing with my heart and emotions.

I wrote a poem/very short story about a so called man called Dog-fighter Black, an imaginary man, but a real life problem in the world today. In reality there are many mr. blacks in this country, in this world.

Writing this short story brought many emotions and fears to the surface of my skin, like a blood blister that just won't break though and bleed. Just there enough to annoy you and look like a huge

Love don't fight

blemish on someone’s face. You try to look away, but your eye wanders back to the disgusting mark. This disgusting mark on society and humanity has been happening for so long that many people have become complacent to the issues and ignoring it when it is right next door.

This reminds me of back in days when wives were allowed to be raped and beat by their husbands. What happens in a man’s house was his business and no one else’s. I have been there and know the pain of a peacekeeper walking away, knowing you were just going to get it worse once he drove away.
 

Love everyone we meet

I know that these animals are feeling like I did:
They have to fight to live or they will die,
If they lose the fight and manage to survive, they will die,
If they are lucky they will die fast, but that is usually not the case,
Normally they are made to suffer for hours or days,
Sometimes hung, stomped to death or even buried alive.


All of this pain and torture is because some men (most of the time) want to be in complete control. Control of the dog, the dog

Love life, love all

fight and or control of their spouse and if these people lose that control they become very dangerous.


I once was told I would be blown up if I did not comply with my ex-husbands demands. While my son was upstairs, he wanted to make sure I knew he was serious; he cut the propane tank connection and drug it into the apartment. Then he ignited the lighter that he help tightly in his hand and told me over and over that he’d blow up the whole building, all because he lost control of me. He was so good at what he did, he covered the evidence so well that I almost got arrested for being too loud as I cried and argued in self defense. I will die before I ever let that happen again.

I would die for an innocent life to live on, human or animal. A life is a gift and all lives that God create are here for us to protect and adore.

Once I grew a spine and leaned to fight with my brain and words, I grew stronger. Society changed and grew to be more compassionate towards battered wives and animals cruelty. I feel there is much more to do to cure the cancer that society calls humanity. 

Be kind to all we meet

Last night I had a fight, a childish verbal fight about a dog. It was escalating way too quickly and I needed to end it with the speed of a humming birds wings. What to do? Protect the innocent is what I choose, even if the dog was in the wrong. The human is suppose to be smarter than the animal, the human should know that dogs that have behavioral issues and patterns are to be handled with care and purposeful actions, continuing to be cautious at all times. If you know their triggers, then you know how to avoid a potential problem.

Love brings love

I know that humans also have triggers and I fearfully controlled the situation and at that moment in time unsuccessfully explained this to that human. He had the same blind and blank look on his face that the dog did. The dog who was abused by a man and now a man was yelling at him, walking with anger toward the dog, it was no surprise to me that the dog wanted to protect himself barking snapping in fear at the man that was yelling at him.

I am a dog lover and an animal person to my core, at a completely cellular level. I am the one that will take on the special needs dogs or cats and I don’t mean the ones with physical handicaps.  I have three dogs now and two of them have those special needs, due to their mental scars from the mr. blacks of their pasts. One of my dogs took almost ten years to completely come around, now she is a

Love is great & needs to be shared

happy old pup, but from time to time we can see the issues pop out like an unwanted zit. My newest love has been with us for only a couple of years. For the most part he is an over-zealously happy dog that will KILL you with SLOPPY wet DRIPPY kisses! But that nasty zit rears its ugly white head from time to time, like it will burst out and cause its own mr. black issues.

Fun days show the love you have to offer

AS GI Joe always said, “Knowledge is power.” Learn and teach, learn and share, knowing how to react and handle the BIG UGLY ZITS that appear in our daily lives can only helps us and others in life. Knowing how to control the situation (the ZIT) can make for an easier argument for all, possibly saving the lives of both humans and animals alike.

Know that someone is there for you is true love