2014 What am I thankful for?

Since my first article, “What am I thankful for?” in 2007, my thoughts and heart have been jaded by humanity. 

Most people today forget what our ancestors, friends or even family members went through for us to be where we are today.  Most people are too caught up in their own selfish needs and do not even care about what is going on around them, less than five feet from their world. Most people today are handed everything and either forgot or simply do not know how to get what they need on their own. Some people even expect to be given everything they need for free without having to lift a finger.  I want to share a little bit of information about what I appreciate in my life and how I am thankful for it every day, especially on Thanksgiving Day.

This year has been the worst ever for my family and I; we lost our Abuela and uncle, we have suffered multiple emergency room visits and the bills are off the chart, we have suffered money trouble, I have had to cut off communication with much of my family members due to their insane and illegal behaviors, and worst of all my faith has been rocked and doubt set in.

To try and think of things to be thankful for actually brings tears to my eyes. The ache in my heart, feels like semi’s crashing into my chest causing an eruption of a dormant volcano. My tears of lava burn through my skin creating deep and painful scars, how can I be thankful for anything? 

Some will say that I need to be happy that we are alive and have a job, but I disagree. I see pain, evil, and loss of innocent lives everywhere I look. My empathy is my poison; killing me from the inside out, like a slow leaky drip from the kitchen sink in the middle of the night keeping you awake with its growing loudness, drip, Drip, DRip, DRIp, DRIP, DRIP! Sometimes the deafening sound of black silence seems like it would relieve the pain.

Then I think about how strong God made me, how others may still need me, how the voiceless need as many strong people as they can get to cry out for them…

There are people that do love me and would be in pain, if that silence was embraced. I am thankful for them. I am thankful for the opportunities that God has provided for me to help people and animals, whenever I can and whenever I can. I have three awesome dogs who keep me smiling, even in my angriest moments. Now my daughter who has the biggest heart I have ever seen has rescued three great cats, sadly one did not make it (RIP kitten).  She makes me so proud, helping those who cannot speak out and ask for help. 

I am thankful for the many chances that I get to help the abused and discarded animals of my community. It might not be much, but I know for those few dollars that I share it will help get medical for an animal in need. Simply providing transportation can help that pet find a new home. That one man who was walking by and I stopped; my son gave him his two sandwiches, my water and juice bottles, which for that one moment helped that man.  For that afternoon that one man felt no hunger and we spoke of that good deed no more. All the little things that we do, God only knows and my heart fills with happy. 

I am indeed thankful for our jobs and my children. We all suffer in different ways and many of us choose to look past the darkness and into the light. I have met many friends this year and there is a handful that I may not talk to everyday, but I love them. We are like sole mates cut from the same cloth. Weather we   were born that way or this world made us that way; our like minds fill my sole with dancing smiley faces bouncing across the tile floor, steadily gaining more energy and momentum each time it they hit the wall. I thank them for that and I know that they know who they are. 

My husband is someone that I am also thankful for; he overlooks my many flaws –good or bad ones- he keeps me grounded and he may never realize how much I really depend on him, because to the world I am abrasive and too strong mined for most to even try and befriend. We fight like Mr. and Mrs. Smith (not physically of course); the passion is blows out of the sky like millions of birds escaping an epic sized storm that could destroy the entire northern hemisphere. The passion that is epic, yet we have that love that allows us to be mad and forgive each other’s flaws.  

I am thankful that God give me all these chance to prove to Him and Him alone that I am worth His time, forgiveness, and love. I am thankful that He gives me what I NEED and thankful for the things that He does not give me. I am thankful that He allows us the chance to redeem ourselves. I am thankful for what He gives me every day; wealth in health, a peaceful mind and spirit, a healthy sole, and the many chances to share that with all His creatures, tall and small. I am thankful for the life that He has allowed me to have. 

I wanted to share this with you all and pray that we all have wealth in health, peace of mind, a calm spirit and a happy sole. I am thankful to be able to share this with you today. Let us keep God in our hearts and God bless us all.