“When I Cannot Find My Happy”(A Prayer-Poem for the Heavy Days)

“When I Cannot Find My Happy”

(A Prayer-Poem for the Heavy Days)

Heavenly Father, I come as I am—

Not strong, not cheerful, not brave today,

But weary. So weary, Lord.

I carry a sorrow I cannot name,

And though I walk through my own home,

I feel lost within it.

My child, Lord—You know him.

You made him with purpose and promise,

But right now he is a storm against me.

His anger tears the stillness I pray for,

His silence screams in my spirit.

He hugs me goodbye like it’s the end,

And I’m left wondering what broke this time.

I try to smile, I try to rise—

But the happy won’t come.

The heaviness lingers,

Like a fog over my fields,

And not even my animals' joy

Can reach me here.

So I surrender, Lord.

I give You the grief, the confusion,

The questions that loop with no answer.

I lay them all down—at Your feet,

Because they’re too heavy for mine.

Wrap me in Your peace, Father,

Like the soft blanket I used to wrap him in.

Fill this hollow in my chest

With the warmth of Your Spirit.

I trust You’ll walk with my son too.

Even as he pulls away in pain,

Even as his words push and wound—

Your mercy remains near.

And I won’t carry what is Yours to heal.

Restore my joy, Lord—not in fake smiles,

But in the quiet knowing

That even now, I am not alone.

My happy may be buried deep today,

But it is not dead.

You are the Keeper of my joy,

And You will return it in time.

Until then, I will sit with You in the silence.

And that will be enough.

Amen.